Episode 1- First things first -- no matter what anybody does on Jersey Shore this season, the biggest douchebag in Italy will remain Silvio Burlesconi.
- The cast's knowledge of Italy is embarrassing, even for Americans. Granted, Ronnie's Puerto Rican, JWOWW's Irish or something, and Snooki, who is Chilean, was only adopted by an Italian family (Yes, somebody willingly chose to adopt a young Snooki), but still. It's pretty hard to square all that Italian pride with their complete lack of knowledge of the home country.
- Sammi showed up for this season in the same shape Albert Haynesworth showed up for Chiefs training camp last year. Likewise, judging by her appearance, JWOWW developed a coke and/or meth problem since last season (and I like it).
- Nice looking house in Florence but come on, how long before Snooki clogs the bidet and somebody gets drunk and falls down those two flights of stairs?
- Seriously, how did no NFL team sign Sammi as a free agent last week? You're telling me the Seahawks don't need some help at linebacker?
- Question -- what's more dangerous: sleeping with Snooki or getting in her car?
- "Taxis son aqui!"
- On a certain level it's refreshing to learn that club music sounds like shit no matter where you are in the world.
- At this point Mike's inability to speak Italian might actually improve his chances with girls. The less he opens his mouth the better.
- The teaser for the upcoming Ronnie-Mike fight has me legitimately excited. HBO needs to do a 24/7 Ronnie-Situation for this!
Episode 2- The one positive of the housemates hooking up with each other instead of randoms at the bar is: Italy's just been spared a massive herpes outbreak.
- "When I'm 80 years old and my kids ask me where I learned to cook pizza, I'll say, 'Bitch, I learned it at a pizzeria in Florence!" - JWOWW. Early frontrunner for quote of the year.
- Did Mike just give a girl daps? Yes he did.
- Oh how I've missed drunk Ronnie!
- It only took four seasons for someone to tell Ronnie and Deena they're sloppy drunks who aren't fun to be around. Meanwhile, I've been waiting 30 years for someone to say that to me, to no avail.
- Being rejected by Snooki and Deena in the same episode would result in a lesser man committing seppuku.
- Anybody else notice there's more ebonics spoken on Jersey Shore than a Lil Wayne album?
- "If her bedroom tv still has parental controls, she's too young for you bro." - Pauly D. Real talk.
Episode 3- The gym trainer wearing a scarf while training clients is a metaphor for all that is wrong with Europe. And people wonder why Italy is insolvent as a country.
- Is this the last episode we'll be seeing Mike wearing Abercrombie & Fitch? Also, if you wear Abercrombie, are you the kind of person who's likely to care that Mike wears it? I say no.
- Pauly D really is a poor man's Dr. Phil (or is Dr. Phil a poor man's Pauly D?). Deena: "First of all I'm not having sex with him tonight." Pauly: "Stop wasting his time then"
- The Italian guy sneaking out of Deena's bed before she woke up may have just redeemed Italy as a country...you know, if he hadn't gone home with her in the first place.
- The great thing about twins: double the disappointment for their father.
- 30 seconds into his date with Sammi and Ronnie is starting to tear-up. Seriously dude, you have to stay on top of the anti-gyno drugs when you're juicing it!
- In Sammi's defense she is a completely changed person. She's put on...like at least 30 pounds since last summer.
- Ronnie and Sammi's relationship is truly unhealthy - OJ Simpson.
Episode 4
- MIKE TKO'D HIMSELF! Although in his defense, I would too to avoid having to listen to Samm and Ronnie at this point. He's smarter than people give him credit for.
- Samm is the human equivalent of lighter fluid. Add her to a combustible situation to make it worse or just use her to start one.
- Let Nicole talk to OJ.. she knows how to talk to him!!
- Ronnie [sobbing]: "I did my best... I did my best". Cue Dane Cook (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uTFBKiE18Y)
- The beauty of Mike being out of commission for a week: Florence just got a 7 day reprieve on that herpes outbreak!
- Ronnie walking out while Mike was offering a fake apology had me in stitches. High comedy. So meta.
- The Italian version of "Come at me bro!" (che cosa!) is exactly as effeminate as you would expect. And people wonder why Italy's last military victory was against Ethiopia in 1936.
- Italian douchebag: "You're in the streets of Florence!" The US equivalent of this would be: "You're in the mean streets of Greenwich, Connecticut, son!"
- Watch out Pauly D, you don't want to mess with the ESFVC (East Side Florence 150s (lbs) V-neck Crew)..they're gangsta as hell.
- Btw, we could have used Samm in that Notre Dame backfield today.
Episode 5
- Ronnie's dispensing solid advice. Excuse me while I pick pieces of my brain off the floor.
- When priests are calling you a whore, you're a whore... or an alter boy.
- So clearly the Jersey Shore cast just saw the "New Haircut" youtube video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JMOh-cul6M)
- Oh Samm, you're always so level-headed and sane. Please involve yourself in more conversations/situations.
- Close call.. the Ronnie cry no-hitter is still in play... hope I don't jinx it.
- Re Ronnie/Samm: the definition of "insanity" is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
- Mike is clearly slipping into madness. He's talking to himself and may have developed multiple personality disorder.. and can't be the only person worried about this, right?
- Samm's loving this half hour, folks.
- Look, to avoid sleeping with Deena sometimes you have to make up a story about your sister sucking your neck. But it's better than the alternative.
