Required Reading for August

• One of my favorite writers' has just written a NY Times best-selling memoire. Sweet. Said writer celebrated the success of his book launch by waking up nearly paralyzed with cancer. Shitty. Then he wrote about it. Tough to Read. Christopher Hitchen's latest piece for Vanity Fair. http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2010/09/hitchens-201009
• Hitchens isn't letting cancer slow him down. In Slate, he weighs in on the Ground Zero mosque/cultural centre: http://www.slate.com/id/2264770/
• In Rolling Stone, Matt Taibbi assesses the US financial reform bill as well as Wall Street's $600 million fin-reg lobbying effort. His conclusion: it was lobbyist money well spent. An exerpt: "Throughout the debate over finance reform, Democrats had sold the public on the idea that it was the Republicans who were killing progressive initiatives. In reality, Republican and Democratic leaders were working together with industry insiders and deep-pocketed lobbyists to prevent rogue members like Merkley and Levin from effecting real change. In public, the parties stage a show of bitter bipartisan stalemate. But when the cameras are off, they fuck like crazed weasels in heat." http://tinyurl.com/35uo6fn
• In The Atlantic Jeffrey Goldberg assesses the likelihood (and fallout) of an Israeli strike against Iran's nuclear facilities: http://tinyurl.com/39uy2b2 Also check out this close read of Goldberg's article (it is rather long) in Slate: http://www.slate.com/id/2263594
• The summer issue of Foreign Policy, called "The Bad Guy Issue", assesses responsibility for the world's failed states and ranks the world's worst despots. Specifically, FP singles out France for its role in creating failed states in Africa (five of the world's 12 worst). Surprisingly, Quebec is not listed as one of those five. http://tinyurl.com/2faxuuf
• Also in Foreign Policy: Are their paralells between the Chinese economy today and the Japanese lost decade of the 1990s? http://tinyurl.com/2fcnhr6
• In Slate, the tale of the most isolated man in the world. The article looks at what Brazil is doing to protect an Indian man who is the last remaining member of an uncontacted jungle tribe. http://www.slate.com/id/2264478
• The funniest thing I've read this month -- Deadspin's Haters' Guide to the Top 25. Hilarious. http://deadspin.com/5620076/the-2010-haters-guide-to-the-top-25

Things That Pissed Me Off This Month (August 2010)

• Three words: animal rights activists. Let me explain. Walking around downtown Edmonton in the spring and summer is impossible to do without running into several teams of World Society for the Protection of Animals (WSPA) activists. Their's nothing inherently wrong with these people -- they're friendly enough, polite, and not overly aggressive in their sales pitch. Hell, a few of the girls are even kinda cute in a "harmless semi-hippie with a cause" kind of way. However, I ask you this: how far down your list of "problems humanity needs to solve" would you have to go before you got to "animal welfare"? High-50s? Over 100? AIDS in Sub-Saharan Africa, you say? Yes, but have you seen how dolphins are treated in captivity!? Lost a loved one to cancer? Sorry to hear that, but do you know how KFC treats its chickens? Yes, yes I do -- with lard and vegetable oil and it tastes delicious. I've got a suggestion for the WSPA folks. I say, until we've solved world hunger, lets outlaw any dog or cat food more exotic than kibbles and bits. And while we're at it, we should encourage people to eat their dogs to combat emissions that contribute to global warming. From this point on, my only reply to the question "do you love animals"? is "Yes, I love animals, they're delicious."
• Edmonton's weather this summer. We're over half way through August at this point and Edmonton has not had a full two day weekend of sunshine once this summer. How is this even possible? Doesn't that defy some sort of law of physics. Even if you counted days where it was sunny during the day and only stormed at night, you couldn't string together a sunny weekend out here. And now, I awaken to this forecast this morning: http://www.weatheroffice.gc.ca/city/pages/ab-50_metric_e.html I challenge anyone, anywhere to top that forecast. In fact, I want to record it for posterity.

Thurs. - Smoke

Fri. - Smoke

Sat. - Rain

Sun. - Rain

Mon. - Suicide

Text Message Analysis 101

Some of my greatest ideas flow in the form of drunken text messages. These are not examples of such ideas. They do however say a lot about the people involved.

The following text message conversations took place Sunday morning.

Person A: “I’m chillin at the beach.. damn I can’t wait til we’re doing this in the Okanagan”
Person 1: “I'm puking in the dorms at Gonzaga.. damn I can't wait til I’m doing this in the Okanagan”

Person A: “I’m chillin at the beach.. so nice out right now”
Person 2: “Crown?”

Person A: “I’m chillin at beach.. you should be here man”
Person 3: “You know it’s a good party when you pass out on the couch and the cops show up three times”

Knowing nothing else about the people sending these texts, one can deduce the following:

• 'Person A' loves the beach and likes to rub in the fact that Persons 1-3 are not at the beach.
• 'Person 1' is living the dream. May have a drinking problem.
• 'Person 2' hates life and everyone in it.
• 'Person 3' has an incredibly short attention span which often causes him to ignore others. Certainly has a drinking problem.

Required Reading for July

• If you haven't read Deadspin (http://deadspin.com/) you should. Probably the funniest thing I've read in months. And just in time for Canada Day/4th of July: How to Tap a Fucking Keg: http://tinyurl.com/36kg4et
• Yahoo Sports' Adrian Wojnarowski rips LeBron and ESPN for tonight's infomercial...er, announcement of where LeBron will fail to win a championship next: http://tinyurl.com/293fc2h
• If you read any LeBron columns today, read this one. Jason Whitlock calls Lebron's "lovemaking session with Jim Gray, Stu Scott, Mike Wilbon, Jon Barry and Chris Broussard" America’s first "all-male, PG-13 celebrity sex tape." A must read: http://tinyurl.com/32jduts
• If you're having a little trouble stomaching the sudden deification of George Steinbrenner following his death on Tuesday, well, you're not alone. Here's a more realistic look back at the man and his legacy: http://tinyurl.com/28rrvel
• The best op-ed I've read this month, which asks "when will the US go the way of Rome?" http://tinyurl.com/2547nre

Victoria, BC: Faux Artistes, Faux Economy

Living in Edmonton provides you with many things. For instance, I’m able to earn enough money living here to actually afford living in the city (and I’m not talking about slumming it with a roommate until you’re in your 30s like in Vancouver/Victoria). However, the city of Champions (by the way, time for a new motto city council) does have it drawbacks. For example, Edmontonians get to enjoy roughly eight weeks of nice weather per year (give or take). Contrary to popular belief, this doesn’t make you appreciate the nice weather even more. Rather, it forces you to drop $2,000 every winter to escape to the tropics. True, we have the Athabasca River to visit during the spring and summer, but my idea of a day at the beach doesn’t include a brown river roughly three feet deep at its deepest point that smells to holy hell in the summer (I can see everybody in Victoria silently nodding while reading that part. However, as nice as Willows Beach is, keep in mind that you recently had a turd run for Mayor of Victoria). Long story short, living in Edmonton has made me appreciate Victoria to a degree not possible when I lived there.

Despite Edmonton’s negative aspects, it would be a mistake to overlook Victoria’s drawbacks. They do exist and can essentially be summarized in four words: “lack of economic opportunity”. Victoria’s top three industries (if you can call them that) are:

1. Health care and social assistance (read: nurses who take care of old folks and care aids who work in old folks homes)
2. Government (anytime time the government is your economic driver you’re in trouble. See: Obama, Barack)
3. Accommodations and Food (90% Starbucks, 10% other)

Look, I’m no Paul Krugman but anytime your top three industries are end-of-life care, government and restaurants, you’re not going to be joining the G20 anytime soon. I’d re-order Victoria’s top three income streams as follows: retirement income, trust fund income, and real estate. And while an economy almost entirely reliant on retirees (and care of), wealthy students from out of province, and real estate might not lead to immediate economic Armageddon, I can assure you of this: Victoria’s economy has confined its native-born youth population to wonder the country as economic refugees. I know because I’m part of the diaspora. With few exceptions, those who choose to stay behind can look forward to bringing home about $50,000 a year (average income for Victoria-Beacon Hill) while trying to pay a mortgage of $3,200 a month on their $515,000 house (average Victoria home price). Okay, that’s probably not going to happen unless you marry up or come into a nice little inheritance. But even a condo will set you back about $2,000 a month which quickly eats into your less than $40,000 annual take home pay. How so many people do it is beyond me. However, there is one group that has managed to stickhandle through the barren landscape that is the Victoria economy. These walking paradoxes can be found everywhere in Victoria. I know you’ve seen them and you may even know a few. They are, for lack of a better term, “Hipsters” and they have been making my return trips to Victoria increasingly frustrating. How these seemingly unemployable faux-artists/philosophers have managed to thrive in Lotus Land is one of the great economic questions of our times. And I want to know how they do it.

Seriously, [insert complex financial derivative] are easier concepts to grasp than how these Starbucks baristas can afford to dress themselves in designer jeans and other hipster fashions while seemingly never working. Somebody please explain to me how, given the cost of living in Victoria, $8.75 an hour at your local Starbucks/Planet Organic provides you with enough money to take the afternoon off to brush up on your skateboarding skills? And if you're thinking the skateboard is a smart, low cost substitute for a car, think again. These guys have nicer cars than I do. And how the hell do they pay rent? Last time I checked the hippy commune movement went extinct about 30 years ago, so I doubt they're pulling a Manson family to save money on rent. The conclusion: these connoisseurs of PBR (now owned by one of the largest private equity firms in the world by the way) and thrift store fashions are generally students making the most out of their student loans and trust fund babies with a credit line paid by mom and dad.

Required Reading for June

• An LA Weekly exposé on Mexican Cartel-trained and FBI most-wanted hitman Jose Saenz. A chilling look at the connection between LA street gangs and the Mexican drug cartels: http://www.laweekly.com/2010-06-17/news/east-los-angeles-hit-man-trained-by-mexican-cartels/1
• A MarketWatch op-ed likening Main Street's approach to Wall Street to that of a compulsive gambler/crackhead who keeps going back for more. One of the better descriptions of our relationship to Wall Street that I've read. http://www.marketwatch.com/story/story/print?guid=7075FEB4-9286-4106-84CB-209986BBB281

Required Reading for May

• After Lebron's epic fail-fest in Game 5 of the Celtics-Cavs series, the media finally started to question Lebron's hype/legacy to this point. I thought this Yahoo Sports column nailed the issue perfectly. And I think we can forever kill the Lebron-MJ comparisons (or Lebron-Kobe for that matter): http://tinyurl.com/2adr2qx
• Just in time for the FIFA World Cup, a 2007 Vanity Fair article on how Didier Drogba ended Ivory Coast's five year civil war: http://tinyurl.com/2cuezzz
• If you haven't seen the documentary "Cocaine Cowboys," you're missing out. Go rent it. And after you've seen it you'll want to read this LA Weekly expose on Max Mermelstein, one of the central figures in the 1980s cocaine trade. Marmelstein spent 25 years in witness protection hiding from the Medellin drug cartel after he turned snitch. His testimony was instrumental in bringing down the cartel. A very interesting read: http://www.laweekly.com/2010-05-13/news/america-s-cocaine-king-hid-from-drug-cartels-for-25-years/1
• Just in time for the French Open -- last year the NY Times did a great expose on Rafael Nadal. One of the best sports reads I've come across. http://tinyurl.com/o7poc2